Tennessee in the Fall

I will be missing this season,

 Listen to this baby. it is good.

Homecoming.

So this blog post is coming a little late-

but it is worth saying it.

Homecoming.

What a funny word to describe an event at a college- at your college- returning for a weekend, surround by familiar faces and places. Home. Could returning to a place you spent four years at somehow feel like returning home? It seems impossible, and yet, it does. It feels surprisingly like you are returning to a place where at least once upon a time, you were known, loved, and belonged. It feels like a complicated, longing-filled return home. 

Homecoming 2014 was beautiful.

As we sat on a sopping blanket in the middle of a soccer field I was able to just take it all in. One year ago I sat in the same field beside a graceful, and faith-filled follower of Jesus. At that point in my life, Jordan was a dream. Now Jordan is reality. Now I will get on a plane on January 26th and fly across the Atlantic with the same girl who watched fireworks with me that night.

As I watched the fireworks, I was able to hear the witty couple behind me delighting in their own play by play. I overheard the newlyweds whisper their favorites to each other. We sat piled on, our jeans getting wet through, and legs falling on top of my own.

I remembered how fireworks invite me to live bravely in the overflow. I remembered how Jesus is always inviting. 

I had to face this strange discomfort in the midst of all the beauty. I love driving up Lookout being so comfortable on that mountain road. It is so normal that even my car seems to know how to make it up and down effortlessly. I love swing dancing to a live jazz band. I love knowing people and being able to sit at brunch asking each of them questions as cup after cup of coffee is sipped down and refilled. I love St. Elmo porch life. There were so many moments that were rich with life- filled to the rim with joy and remembering. 

Homecoming,

What a strange discomfort you left in the unseen places.

Chattanooga tore open my heart- and all the places that I had sorted out and made goodbyes and home look nice and tidy where spilling everywhere. They were seen spots of deep hunger and deep longing. Spots that are intended to lead us to the incarnation, to the cross, to the promise of eternity spent with our savior, to the promise of the Finisher making everything right, and to realizing that one day I will know my Maker just as I am fully known. 

Communion. 

At the Lord's table is where Jesus invites us to remember him. Remembering often stirs up questions and unmet longing. It is a place where we are invited to stir up our hunger, to notice our thirst, and to trade in our unbelief for belief. Communion, the place where I am constantly invited to fall forward into Jesus, into all the unknown, and to hold firm to the promises. 

The promise that keeping my achey, homesick heart 

stirred up and moving 

is not in vain. 

The promise that there will be a great homecoming.

[and it will blow our socks off.]

Dear Lilac Ladies, 

You are treasure. I am so thankful for you all.

I am so thankful that I got to live life with you for a whole year.

And I am thankful for the beautiful, rare moments when I get to continue living life with you.

You are some of the greatest gifts the Lord has ever given me.

You are family now.

And family lasts forever.

I pray that we all walk alert to the truth that all are days are lived "With Jesus".

Learning from Lilias Trotter

Lilias Trotter has been brought to my attention on multiple occasions, but I have never really read her words or her story until this summer. A couple years ago the McAlvey's gave me a christmas gift, a book titled, Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God, written by Noel Piper. As I have been packing up my books, I find myself pulling out ones that I want to read before I leave them all behind. 

This was one of the books I pulled and stacked in a pile with 20 or so others. 

As I read through each of these women's' stories, 

God stirs my heart 

and invites me to live in more faith in His faithfulness towards me. 

Lilias Trotter served the Lord in Algeria for the majority of her life. She was 34 when she received her calling to North Africa and applied to North African Mission. They did not accept her because of her fragile health. She was determined though. She went independently with two other women. There they began to learn Arabic and persistently tried to gain inroads into the Arab culture. There is much to learn from her life, and there is also much to learn from her writings. 

When Lilias would go back to England, to rest, she would often have to stay longer than her companions because of her poor health. During these extended rest periods, Lilias would write about all that the Lord had been teaching her. 

Lilias Trotter had two passions- art and our Lord. She writes, "it is possible that one of the passions could become servant to the other." And isn't that true. Don't all of our passions become servant to our passion for Jesus Christ? When we take His yoke, which is easy and light, we say 'yes' to Him being our King, our Lord, our Master. We say 'no' to a whole slew of things in order that our 'yes' would be as true. In order that our 'yes' to the Lord would thunder- vibrating throughout the rest of our lives.

"Turn your soul's vision to Jesus, 

and look to Him, 

and a strange dimness will come over all that is apart from Him."

"And yet let us evermore write over all our miseries, big, and for the most part very little, 

these transforming words "With Jesus." 

And then the very breath of Heaven 

will breathe upon our whole being and 

we shall be glad."

-Ms. Lilias Trotter

The words, "with Jesus" have been stuck in my head since I read them. What a beautiful truth to remember. About six months ago, a friend was talking about her mom and she said that her mom walked in the truth that she was never alone. When I heard her say those words, I let me heart imagine a life that was totally free from the lie that I am alone. I dared to believe that it was possible that I would walk in the freedom of being with my Lord. May I continue to offer up my unbelief and may I continue to be made new. Let all my days, and all my moments, knowingly be imprinted with the words, "With Jesus." And may that bring countless amounts of joy and praise.

 I will for sure be doing more reading on Lilias Trotter. 

And may our lives look a little bit more like Jesus 

by hearing the stories'

of those who have gone before us. 

"though I did not know it then...

The young cannot see what lies ahead.

And perhaps that is their blessing and their sorrow."

waiting can be worship.

over and out.

Twenty-Three Things for my 23rd.

twenty-three things for twenty-three years lived. 
(one.) Jesus. I always simply need more of Jesus in my life.

(two.) Studying theology has the potential to encourage your walk with Christ and awaken your senses, your brain, and your spirit. Studying ABOUT God should always lead me into deeper WORSHIP of God. 
(three.) Night walks in St. Elmo offer lots of life, joy, and adventure.

(four.) Sometimes God asks you to faithfully plod, sometimes He asks you to finish well, and sometimes He even takes you on adventures. All of it is pretty grand with Him.
(five.) There is a sweet juice to drink from a thistle. This is one of God's many gifts to humanity. 
(six.) The lilacs are a great joy. They are women of integrity, laughter, and individuality. The love of Christ binds us together.
(seven.) Enjoy life. In all honesty, fun really does undo nonsense. 
(eight.) I like to drink wine with Beth and Pina Coladas with Elle girl. [not at the same time]

(nine.) Marriage is BIG, BEAUTIFUL, and the BEST. I am not married, but watching so many people I love get married has been one of the biggest privileges in my life. I will always fight for the marriages of those I love. 
(ten.) The church calendar is so intentional. In the midst of being aware of it, I have continued to learn that it is more important to simply go where Jesus is taking you. To always say yes to his invitation- whether it was an invitation to something joy-filled in the middle of lent or sanctification and lament in the midst of Easter-tide. It is all ok. It is all a gift.
(eleven.) Set up a hammock. Get a cup of ice coffee. And drink it. Just do it. 
(twelve.) Continue to press into life. Continue to press into the questions. Putting life on 'pause' while we wait for answers is not what we are called to. 
(thirteen.) Simply, be in it.
(fourteen.) This year I have seen a lot of ugliness in the Church. In the midst of the wrestling and struggling, I continue to ask God to give me his heart for his bride, to let me be lovesick for him, my bridegroom, and to let me care more about his love story than mine.
(fifteen.) It is ok to run a mile to Bi-Lo, buy a Diet Coke, and walk back home drinking it. 
(sixteen.) I am always really humbled by how hard transition is for me. always. Christ is made strong in my weakness. 
(seventeen.) Fireworks. I feel encouraged to be brave when I see fireworks.
(eighteen.) This summer, I had to ask God for courage to knock on every single door. It never got easier, but I never doubted that he would show up and allow there to be connection and friendship.

(nineteen.) I believe that relationships are miraculous. 
(twenty.) I like Parenthood, Melissa and Joey, and Flashpoint. 
(twenty-one.) I still get excited when I think about how Jesus saved me from a life of depression and gave me a life of hope and joy. I hope I never loose my since of wonder in who Christ is.
(twenty-two.) Being an aunt to four little men feels like the best thing in the whole wide world. (I still would love to have a little niece:)

(twenty-three.) I hope year 23 is the best yet and that I learn to trust his great timing. 

I am thankful for life.

Some days, you just need to be a little creative and have a few laughs.

Dear Hanna,

 I love that you live life with me even if it means jumping in a green pool.

And mostly I love that God let us become real life friends- not just college friends.

Side project forever. -Em

Dear Mrs. Cate Shin.

Dear Cate babe,

You are an absolute joy. 

I always knew I would love you, because I loved Hails, 

but I just had no idea how much I would love you! 

Your friendship is a blessing. Your joy, giggles, and dancing are contagious. Your story telling is captivating and so funny! And you have encouraged me with your wisdom and your selfless love towards Jung. 

Your wedding was the most Kingdom-like wedding I have ever been too- and at the end of the day, all I wanted to do was meet our Bridegroom, Jesus Christ. 

I hope that encourages you. 

My prayer is that you and Jung would be strengthened in the love the Lord has for you, 

that you would be refreshed by his living water, 

and that abiding in dependence on YHWH would be a place of rest and joy. 

Cate babe, 

you are my sister.

I will always love you- no matter the miles between us. 

Love, Em Kuhn

Ps. ringa, ringa, ringa, ringa, re.

Dear Mrs. Ellen Christenberry.

Dear Elle girl, 

You are a total babe. And C-berry is one lucky man. I am so thankful for God's redemption and reconciliation in our friendship. It has been an a very living reminder of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. Thanks for letting me stand next to you on your big day. I felt so honored and also so aware of God's grace and faithfulness over us. Elle, you truly have been one of the biggest gifts that came out of  Covenant College. The way you care, listen, and simply live life with is such a joy- and I love you! Know that I will always fight for your covenant with Andrew and that I cant wait to see all that life brings you. I am praying and thanking God for the ways that he will strengthen you and Andrew to run this race faithfully. He is our prize- and there is nothing more beautiful and good than that! 

Love your girl, Em.

Ps. The long name is totally worth it! 

The Summer of Significance.

A few days ago I decided to read through my high school journals. I often look back on that time as this huge season of growth, and in some ways it was. It was the season where I first began to understand God's deep love for me. It was the season where I first began to feel his love for those around me- And those are big things! But in all honesty, most of my journal entries had to do with me- my hurt, my anger, my relationships, my desires. And the Lord used those times in me- I in no way am devaluing that season of my life- but I was in awe of his faithfulness. It was my freshman year at Covenant College that I began making thanksgiving lists. I read 1000 Gifts in the midst of being torn apart- and I decided that I would say 'thank you' to God for at least 12 things every night. And so it began, a season of thanksgiving. 

At the beginning, it was hard to think of twelve things from that very day that I could give thanks for. But as I made thanksgiving a discipline, not just an overflowing response, I learned what it meant to remind myself of God's great gifts. 

After intentionally giving thanks every night for a couple months, I began to do it naturally. I began to give thanks as I walked to class, or as I left the Great Hall, or as I laid in bed after a hard day. Thanksgiving and Praise became overflow again. 

I am now in a season where thanksgiving doesn't seem to be flowing from my lips, which means its not very present in my heart. And so I am starting TwelveThings again- and hopefully there will be more than twelve and it will come more often than just at night.

But until it does- twelve things a night.

Because the truth is, no matter how I feel or where I am in life, God is good and worthy of praise.

And sometimes, you just have to remind yourself of that truth.

(1) Thank you God for your visible grace through the lilacs.

(2) Thank you God for laughter late into the night over crazy things like duck hands and voices.

(3) Thank you for breaking out in dance when in doubt.

(4) Thank you for Moe and PJ and the joy I find in their friendship.

(5) Thank you for time spent with old friends- for being able to rejoice and mourn with my people.

(6) Thank you for the way I was able to notice Jesus in Maggie and John's wedding celebration!

(7) Thank you for the joy and freedom to reception dance.

(8) Thank you for Pentecost Sunday and for the promise of your Spirit.

(9) Thank you for the reminder to gird up and fight in truth!

(10) Thank you for LoveWar on Tuesday nights.

(11) Thank you for Hanna Hill being able to come to Knoxville the day I invite her.

(12) Thank you for TK, his birthday, and smoking Shisha together.

(13) Thank you for #highschoolfriendsandhanna

(14) Thank you for Gospel conversations with Kyle, Zach, and Luke.

(15) Thank you for late night conversations at Waffle House.

(16) Thank you for The Freedom Manual

(17) Thank you for Taylor's SIP songs and the reminder to live in the questions.

(18) Thank you for being able to intercede for Kyle 'the Keeper'

(19) Thank you for Nicola- her faithful friendship and prayers.

(20) Thank you that Beth will get to love on Egyptians.

(21) Thank you for the invitation to remember my summer in Pemba.

(22) Thank you for House of Peace ladies and for a love that binds us.

(23) Thank you for letting me know that you are better than it all.

(24) Thank you for hope and joy-filled laughter.

"Remember Whose you are and Whom you serve. 

Provoke yourself by recollection, and your affection for God will increase tenfold; 

your imagination will not be starved any longer, but will be quick and enthusiastic, 

and your hope will be inexpressibly bright." 

- Oswald Chambers

After a night filled with joy filled laughter and ordained encounters of the strangest kind, four of us grabbed hands and prayed. And as we prayed, the Holy Spirit stirred some truth up in me that I have been forgetting a lot lately. 

An old friend prayed, "Let this summer be one of significance." 

And I was reminded that it will be. It will be significant- because all time with the Lord is. 

Dear Mrs. Maggie Hill.

Mrs. Maggie Hill, you are one beautiful bride and John is one lucky man. 

It was a blessing to be apart of yalls big day!
Know that I see Jesus in the way you delight in your husband, I saw Him in the celebration, and I saw him as yall took the feast together as man and wife.
I am praying that you know in a new and fresh way that a wedding banquet is always set before you in the presence of the Lord. I am praying for God's hand to be on you and John and that you would sense his nearness. He always draws near. I am praying for JOY and LIFE as you head to the lone star state.
much love my friend!
thanks for the honor of letting me stand next to you as you made such a special covenant.
you radiate.
-Em

so Grad happened.

Sometimes life surprises you. Sometimes you leave a place that you have wanted to leave for three out of the four years and the tears still begin to flow, the good memories still surface, and the time seems to begin to fly by quite quickly. All of a sudden I am in the swirl of transition again. And it is not a bad thing, more importantly it is not a new thing, but it does seem to be a very fleshly, creaturely, human thing.  It reminds me that it is Christ and Christ crucified and Christ alive and well that matters. It reminds me that it is his constant faithfulness and love that holds me tightly and never loosens its grip. It is another season of life that releases the faintest whisper from above, "Do you trust me? Do you really trust me?" 

"If there's empty spaces in your heart,

They'll make you think it's wrong,

Like having empty spaces,

Means you never can be strong,

But I've learnt that all these spaces,

Means there's room enough to grow,

And the people that once filled them,

Were always meant to be let go,

And all these empty spaces,

Create a strange sort of pull,

That attract so may people,

You wouldn't meet if they were full,

So if you're made of empty spaces,

Don't ever think it's wrong,

Because maybe they're just empty,

Until the right person comes along."

-Ernest Hemingway

"I guess I never realized that when you left you left people behind."
"Ya, I never want to do that again."
"You wont have to... snoopy."

Pause.

...Cause its summertime baby. 

forward motion

Maybe we idealize and idolize adventure. 

But maybe we don't. 

Maybe we truly are made for grand adventure and faithful plodding- 

all mixed together in one life well lived. 

A both/and sort of deal. 

This has been a season about learning to live life well (and by season I mean the past four years). 

Deuteronomy 10:12-22

 “And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you,

 but to fear the Lord your God, 

to walk in all his ways, to love him, 

to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul,

and to keep the commandments and statutes of the Lord, 

which I am commanding you today for your good?"

The mountain throughout scripture symbolizes a place where the divine encounters the earth. It is a meeting place. I guess there were parts of me that had the expectation that going to Covenant, and living on Lookout Mountain, would be one, grand encounter with God. I thought that it might be like Moses on the Mountain, seeing the God as he passed by, like the disciples as the journeyed up the mountain to see Jesus transfigure and reveal his glory and his sonship, like the cross sitting on top of the hill, or like the places where idol after idol was destroyed in order to bring Israel back into right relationship with God.

Holy Encounters.

"Behold, to the Lord your God belong heaven and the heaven of heavens, 

the earth with all that is in it. 

Yet the Lord set his heart in love on your fathers 

and chose their offspring after them, 

you above all peoples, as you are this day.

Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, 

and be no longer stubborn." 

This expectation left me empty handed and confused. Instead of these deep intimate encounters with the Lord I was left with frustration and my own brokeness to face. 

"Love the sojourner, therefore, 

for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt." 

I was just listening to this sermon- and the guy teaching said that the only difference between a break-down and a break-through is that one sends a person into the depths never to return, and the other sends a person into the depths to come out of it made new. That picture is the past four years of my life. Perhaps it is the ultimate picture of the Christian life. That is the story of Christ, sent into the world as a fetus. He died. He was buried. He rose again. He was sent into the depths to come out of it as ChristusVictor.

"You shall fear the Lord your God. 

You shall serve him and hold fast to him,

 and by his name you shall swear."

 

"He is your praise. 

He is your God, 

who has done for you these great 

and terrifying things that your eyes have seen."

"Your fathers went down to Egypt seventy persons, 

and now the Lord your God has made you 

as numerous as the stars of heaven."

The thing is, the Mountain has been a place of Holy Encounters. 

They came through the laughter and tears of housemates, through the joy of bookclub, through professors who are willing to pray over me, through learning to enjoy the foggy mornings, and through the gift of having a place. 

Encounters with God 

and

encounters with His children-

That has been my Mountain experience in the most unexpected ways.

2013 in pictures.