seasons of life.

I know that living on the Mountain Top is changing my life.

Covenant sort of represents a season of FALL for me. 
I came into school as if it would be summer forever; Wide-eyed freshman and expecting to be green-leafed forever.

But summer never lasts, 

at least not summers of the soul. 

Fall will come.

And Fall has been Covenant for me. 

The first couple days of fall feel bitter; it is cold, rainy, and full of greys. But after those first couple dead-feeling days we realize that there is beauty in the death. 

The truth of the leaves is revealed. 

We learn that God is too creative, too good to leave them in the summer heat forever. 
Our eyes are opened and soon we begin to see life in the midst of the bitter rain. 

we see life lived out in red. 

We begin to see the reality of the leaves.
That really has been Covenant for me: There are a lot of days that feel cold and bitter. But I know that the Lord is just revealing my reality, the true colors that my life is painted in. 

My life is painted in the deepest, most beautiful red. 

In progress.

Artwork in Progress.

I am a piece of artwork.

I am in progress too.

Peace in Progress.

Peace in the Potter's hands.

The leaves again.

 The colors are changing from green to red; and every year, around this time, my mind is filled with memories, beautiful and hard memories. Most of them come straight from Doe River Gorge. This year I got to remember and make new memories. God gave me a chance to worship under the tent again. 

It was my fifth time to go. 

I am blessed. 

This view is one of my favorites.

Being a Doe River, three years after I graduated from Bearden, was kinda overwhelming. It was beautiful, hard, and was full of invitations. I am in awe of God and his goodness: of how he is relentless. 

As we walked 

hand in hand to the hill

 I found the words, 

"God is so faithful to not leave us where we are." 

And where my head knows that is true, sometimes my heart aches over it. Why did God move me to the mountain? How is total, complete brokeness more usable in the kingdom than strong and confidant? Is pouring out for one intentional year really worth it? I feel these questions rising up in me. I feel the tears coming to the surface. I wonder as I walk. 

I wonder as I walk.

I wonder as I walk out his story. 

The only reason I keep walking is because I trust him.

Because it is just like Eliose said, "Just look at what he already has done for you."

Do you see it, Em? 

Do you see and remeber all that the Lord has done for you. 

Because life is not all about where you are right now. 

Life really is all about him.

Life is about him, his story, and his glory!

I want my life to be brimming over with his plans. 

"Lord of our shame,

Lord of our sinful hearts.

He is our GREAT REDEEMER!"

he is so good to not leave us where we are at...

 Workin' on a new art project.

Thankful that I was created good.

Oh, Im funny.

But there is grace enough for that.
So Basically, On Septemeber 18th I started a new blog that was all about my ART. But as I have processed what that looks like, I decided I didnt want to split up different parts of my life onto different blogs. SO, here is all the stuff that was on that blog, and from now on my life will be on here:) 
Holistic in every way.
Because in real life, you cant really catagorize your life! 


It is September 18th, and I am starting again.
For years I have wrestled with this seed of creativity that has been planted in me. The wrestleing process kinda looks like this:

>I want to create with all my being.

> I get shut down- this could happen because of my own fears,

 other people's words, or even just the busyness of life.

>I stop creating.

>I keep thinking about it.

>I get on pinterest and people's blog and look at art work.

> Eventually, something triggers in me and I pick up my paintbrushes again. 

So I BEGIN once again, full of grace for myself, because I know that I am not the final judge. 

Im stepping into this scary creative call

and giving these silent thoughts a place to be heard.

I am offering up my life in a way that I never thought I would have the courage to do. 

I AM NOT COURAGEOUS ON MY OWN.

But you see.... 

I AM NOT ON MY OWN! 

I AM A FULL TIME STUDENT

and

I desperately want to be a full time artist. 

How do I do both? 

Right now I am taking Kelly Rae's online class, Taking Flight. It has been so good for my heart. I find myself writing a research paper for a class and then getting on the classes page and just reading and looking at people's work. 

Distractions and Procrastinations are life giving.

It is good to see my heart long for something. 

It is good to notice life and yearning within me. 

This little butterfly is going to have to be still.

Be still and wait for the SUN to warm my wings.

Warm my wings and prepare me to fly.

This I know for sure,

The butterfly can't warm up its own wings.

Independence would kill the butterfly.

So I am pregnant with questions. tons and tons of questions. 

Most of those questions pin point fears that I live in. 

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

I have a 'to do' list that is a mile long. Everything on that list is about school. I have wish list that is a mile long. My wish list is full of paintings and big plans! 

I know that my thistle years are super important. I know that no matter what I am doing in life there is an invitation to ENGAGE and be present. I beleive that nothing is wasted, not pain, or joy, or even desire. Everything is used.

One little thing that I have decided to do while being a full time student is to find time every day to sketch. It will not be a huge commitment, not a finished piece of art everyday, but just a little piece to keep my creative juices flowing.
It will keep me creating and it also will give me space to tell my stories through snap shots of my day!

And I love stories. 

So here we go, Ill be posting some as they come... 

and really I just invite you to join me. 

Tell parts of your story through sketches too! 

Day #1: Soggy Cinnamon Toast Crunch

  Day #2: These shoes go places. 

Day #3: To Thy cross I cling, or I die.

 Day#5: Lunch at MoJo's. alone and peaceful.

and a little love note to Farda:)