The Summer of Significance.

A few days ago I decided to read through my high school journals. I often look back on that time as this huge season of growth, and in some ways it was. It was the season where I first began to understand God's deep love for me. It was the season where I first began to feel his love for those around me- And those are big things! But in all honesty, most of my journal entries had to do with me- my hurt, my anger, my relationships, my desires. And the Lord used those times in me- I in no way am devaluing that season of my life- but I was in awe of his faithfulness. It was my freshman year at Covenant College that I began making thanksgiving lists. I read 1000 Gifts in the midst of being torn apart- and I decided that I would say 'thank you' to God for at least 12 things every night. And so it began, a season of thanksgiving. 

At the beginning, it was hard to think of twelve things from that very day that I could give thanks for. But as I made thanksgiving a discipline, not just an overflowing response, I learned what it meant to remind myself of God's great gifts. 

After intentionally giving thanks every night for a couple months, I began to do it naturally. I began to give thanks as I walked to class, or as I left the Great Hall, or as I laid in bed after a hard day. Thanksgiving and Praise became overflow again. 

I am now in a season where thanksgiving doesn't seem to be flowing from my lips, which means its not very present in my heart. And so I am starting TwelveThings again- and hopefully there will be more than twelve and it will come more often than just at night.

But until it does- twelve things a night.

Because the truth is, no matter how I feel or where I am in life, God is good and worthy of praise.

And sometimes, you just have to remind yourself of that truth.

(1) Thank you God for your visible grace through the lilacs.

(2) Thank you God for laughter late into the night over crazy things like duck hands and voices.

(3) Thank you for breaking out in dance when in doubt.

(4) Thank you for Moe and PJ and the joy I find in their friendship.

(5) Thank you for time spent with old friends- for being able to rejoice and mourn with my people.

(6) Thank you for the way I was able to notice Jesus in Maggie and John's wedding celebration!

(7) Thank you for the joy and freedom to reception dance.

(8) Thank you for Pentecost Sunday and for the promise of your Spirit.

(9) Thank you for the reminder to gird up and fight in truth!

(10) Thank you for LoveWar on Tuesday nights.

(11) Thank you for Hanna Hill being able to come to Knoxville the day I invite her.

(12) Thank you for TK, his birthday, and smoking Shisha together.

(13) Thank you for #highschoolfriendsandhanna

(14) Thank you for Gospel conversations with Kyle, Zach, and Luke.

(15) Thank you for late night conversations at Waffle House.

(16) Thank you for The Freedom Manual

(17) Thank you for Taylor's SIP songs and the reminder to live in the questions.

(18) Thank you for being able to intercede for Kyle 'the Keeper'

(19) Thank you for Nicola- her faithful friendship and prayers.

(20) Thank you that Beth will get to love on Egyptians.

(21) Thank you for the invitation to remember my summer in Pemba.

(22) Thank you for House of Peace ladies and for a love that binds us.

(23) Thank you for letting me know that you are better than it all.

(24) Thank you for hope and joy-filled laughter.

"Remember Whose you are and Whom you serve. 

Provoke yourself by recollection, and your affection for God will increase tenfold; 

your imagination will not be starved any longer, but will be quick and enthusiastic, 

and your hope will be inexpressibly bright." 

- Oswald Chambers

After a night filled with joy filled laughter and ordained encounters of the strangest kind, four of us grabbed hands and prayed. And as we prayed, the Holy Spirit stirred some truth up in me that I have been forgetting a lot lately. 

An old friend prayed, "Let this summer be one of significance." 

And I was reminded that it will be. It will be significant- because all time with the Lord is. 

so Grad happened.

Sometimes life surprises you. Sometimes you leave a place that you have wanted to leave for three out of the four years and the tears still begin to flow, the good memories still surface, and the time seems to begin to fly by quite quickly. All of a sudden I am in the swirl of transition again. And it is not a bad thing, more importantly it is not a new thing, but it does seem to be a very fleshly, creaturely, human thing.  It reminds me that it is Christ and Christ crucified and Christ alive and well that matters. It reminds me that it is his constant faithfulness and love that holds me tightly and never loosens its grip. It is another season of life that releases the faintest whisper from above, "Do you trust me? Do you really trust me?" 

"If there's empty spaces in your heart,

They'll make you think it's wrong,

Like having empty spaces,

Means you never can be strong,

But I've learnt that all these spaces,

Means there's room enough to grow,

And the people that once filled them,

Were always meant to be let go,

And all these empty spaces,

Create a strange sort of pull,

That attract so may people,

You wouldn't meet if they were full,

So if you're made of empty spaces,

Don't ever think it's wrong,

Because maybe they're just empty,

Until the right person comes along."

-Ernest Hemingway

"I guess I never realized that when you left you left people behind."
"Ya, I never want to do that again."
"You wont have to... snoopy."

forward motion

Maybe we idealize and idolize adventure. 

But maybe we don't. 

Maybe we truly are made for grand adventure and faithful plodding- 

all mixed together in one life well lived. 

A both/and sort of deal. 

This has been a season about learning to live life well (and by season I mean the past four years). 

Deuteronomy 10:12-22

 “And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you,

 but to fear the Lord your God, 

to walk in all his ways, to love him, 

to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul,

and to keep the commandments and statutes of the Lord, 

which I am commanding you today for your good?"

The mountain throughout scripture symbolizes a place where the divine encounters the earth. It is a meeting place. I guess there were parts of me that had the expectation that going to Covenant, and living on Lookout Mountain, would be one, grand encounter with God. I thought that it might be like Moses on the Mountain, seeing the God as he passed by, like the disciples as the journeyed up the mountain to see Jesus transfigure and reveal his glory and his sonship, like the cross sitting on top of the hill, or like the places where idol after idol was destroyed in order to bring Israel back into right relationship with God.

Holy Encounters.

"Behold, to the Lord your God belong heaven and the heaven of heavens, 

the earth with all that is in it. 

Yet the Lord set his heart in love on your fathers 

and chose their offspring after them, 

you above all peoples, as you are this day.

Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, 

and be no longer stubborn." 

This expectation left me empty handed and confused. Instead of these deep intimate encounters with the Lord I was left with frustration and my own brokeness to face. 

"Love the sojourner, therefore, 

for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt." 

I was just listening to this sermon- and the guy teaching said that the only difference between a break-down and a break-through is that one sends a person into the depths never to return, and the other sends a person into the depths to come out of it made new. That picture is the past four years of my life. Perhaps it is the ultimate picture of the Christian life. That is the story of Christ, sent into the world as a fetus. He died. He was buried. He rose again. He was sent into the depths to come out of it as ChristusVictor.

"You shall fear the Lord your God. 

You shall serve him and hold fast to him,

 and by his name you shall swear."

 

"He is your praise. 

He is your God, 

who has done for you these great 

and terrifying things that your eyes have seen."

"Your fathers went down to Egypt seventy persons, 

and now the Lord your God has made you 

as numerous as the stars of heaven."

The thing is, the Mountain has been a place of Holy Encounters. 

They came through the laughter and tears of housemates, through the joy of bookclub, through professors who are willing to pray over me, through learning to enjoy the foggy mornings, and through the gift of having a place. 

Encounters with God 

and

encounters with His children-

That has been my Mountain experience in the most unexpected ways.

Excitement Abounds...

Mozambique Visa is here:)

Praise the LORD! 

He is my rabbi and my good shepherd. 

Support Letter.

As many of you know I have been hoping and praying that God would allow me to return to Pemba, Mozambique. I first visited Iris right before my junior year in high school, since that time God has worked in my life and given me a heart for cross-cultural missions. I have been asking him for four and half years to let me return to Mozambique and go through Iris’ Harvest School, a school that is intended to train up missionaries and send them out to the world. This summer seemed like a good summer to be out of the country, so I applied to the school and I got in and my excitement has just continued to grow! 

During my time in Pemba I will attend classes every morning which will focus on walking in obedience to God and to his mission. In the afternoons I will have optional talks from guest speakers and cultural workshops. During my time there I will go on two outreaches. These trips take us out into bush where there is no electricity and no running water. My past outreaches have been times where I have had to rely fully on Christ and not at all on my strength, perseverance, or control. I am expectant about continuing to learn about this. On Fridays the mission students will partner with local Mozambicans or long-term missionaries and spend all day practically serving. Then on Sundays we will have the opportunity to serve with the local Mozambican church. 

There are multiple things I am looking forward to. I am excited about being in an environment of students and families that love the Lord and are eager to lay down their lives for him. I am eager to be in a place where I can learn about missions through missionaries, pastors, AND through hands-on serving. I really do believe that God has so much in store for me. I know that I will learn so much through our class time, living in a home with international students, and learning from Mozambicans. My prayer is that this upcoming summer will prepare me more and more for a lifetime of laying down my life for the glory of God and the coming of his kingdom. I am also very expectant about stepping back into relationship with many of the Iris children that I have grown to love over the years. 

If you are interested in investing in what God is doing in my life there are multiple ways that you could support me. First, and most importantly, I need prayer. I really need prayer as I prepare to go; that I would be grounded in the love and grace of God and that I would trust him fully. I also would love it if you could pray that I would be able to bring back and be faithful to all that God will entrust to me during my time in Pemba. Another way to invest in what God is doing in my life is through financially supporting me. Over the next two and half months I will need to raise $5,000. This money will cover the school tuition, my living expenses, and my airplane tickets. I know this is a lot of money but I am trusting that if God wants me there it will be provided. Sending money directly to Iris is very complicated. The most convenient way to financially support me is by mailing a check (that made out to Emily Kuhn) to my Covenant College address. I will then use that money to either pay for my plane ticket or my school tuition. 

a life well lived

What does a life well lived look like?
What do I look like when i am living? Not existing, going, and maintaining a certain level of functions, but actual living? 

Sometimes life seems so beautiful that it takes my breath away.

I am awake.

I notice the Holy Spirit: 

he is living and breathing over me.

Living well could consist of things like playing, laughter, music, eating good food, filling out bellies with warm goodness and our hearts with delight. When life is at its fullest it seems like every color jumps out at me screaming for attention. All smells bring back old memories, as if the scent itself is resurrecting moments of life in my mind. When living is happening my laugh is loudest and my eyes are tear stained and beautiful.
There are moments when I love life.

These moments bring me deeper into Jesus' heart for me.

Jesus delights in me. 

When I live in delight of his blessings my heart is awakened to deeper truth.

It is delight being fleshed out in me. 

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. 

He will take great delight in you, 

he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing (Zeph 3)"

I went into the woods for a weekend with these people. I started the weekend feeling slightly akward, this is pretty normal when you don't truly know people, which I didn't. I left the weekend feeling loved.
God is good to me.
Counting my blessings.
Learning to live in Delight of the Lord and his gifts to me.
Learning to see the gift and notice the GIVER more and more each day.
A life well lived is a life lived in the presence of the Giver, the King, my Abba!
oh, I love Love.

Soup and Wings.

The truth I have been clinging to these days: God's love NEVER fails.

So much life has happened.

Usually, when blogs aren't posted its because there is just too much. too much of life too fast.

too much isn't bad.

too much sometimes isn't even fast.

its just a lot.

I have been learning a lot about WORDS lately. God had told me he

would teach me, he even prepared me for thinking about truth. I just had no idea

how it would all bubble up.

I had no idea that I had hidden the deceit that lived in me and blocked it off from God's transformation power.

I had tombed it off.

"the most revolutionary act is telling the truth."

PUT on the BELT of TRUTH, cause your pants are fallin' off.

God is a talker. That is good news for me. Exodus 19, God speaks! He communicates clearly. Another truth that I am learning to lean on and trust in. "Do you trust that your shepherd speeks to his sheep?"

QUESTIONS are so valuable.

Dr. Pettit tells me to write down the questions. He says, "You are writing down the questions, right?!"

>>>Big questions leave lots of room for God to move<<<

YOU ARE MAKING ME INTO SOUP! and it is super painful!

When a catapillar transforms and is inside the cocoon all of its organs are broken down and made into something that resembles soup. It is liquid, sloshing around in there waiting to be made into something! All of the old organs are broken down because they are not equipped to take on the new identity. Then these cells called Imaginary Cells begin to grow and build new organs. Scientists cannot figure out what gets these cells to begin, but they do, faithfully.

All of my old ograns have been made into slush.

I have sucessfully become soup.

"Now what?!?"

I am empty handed but alive in His hands.

Death bringing NEW life.

Depression bringing dependency

Makin' me into Soup.

WHAT CAN WASH AWAY MY SIN???

... NOTHING but the BLOOD of JESUS!

(Little giggling boys)

Im thankful that I was given two sisters to journey with and to be family with! Im thankful that God is teaching me to SAVOR time and moments with.

He is able. He is willing.

Doubt no more.

I am really thankful for laughter.

for this beautiful mountain top.

for the promise of sunshine.

for a cozy night in the city with Sarah:)

for glitter!

for colorful and vibrant parts of life (even when they come in forms of dresses)

for being able to hold my nephews

and for tears

Im thankful that goodbyes are hard cause it means that my life is RICH!!!

Im thankful for matching

and having a brother.

Im thankful that the WORD is so So SO ALIVE!

Im thankful for the promise of sunshine and Orlando.

for invitations

for Pat encouraging me to make space inside me soul

for courage to speak truth

for lies being broken off me

for living into the truth that hiddeness does NOT protect

thankful for soup being able to make wings and reproduction organs.

Im just thankful that God is working on me.

I for sure am in the WorkRoom.

Slow and tedious work.

Slow, tedious, and beautiful.

BYE YA'LL.

Eleven (11) Things.

This is not a Thanksgiving day post.

(This really isn't about some American Holiday.)

Really its me remembering what God taught me last year.

Almost every night me and my roomie, Katie, would crawl into bed and each say eleven things we were thankful for from the day. It was a dark season for me and it allowed me to grow and change and notice the bits of Manna that God was giving me throughout my day.

It was so good for my heart.

NOTICE his faithfullness over you.

Notice his love

and his care for you!

Today God reminded me that THERE IS PEACE IN PRAISE.

and so I give thanks and praise for what he has done.

Because he is worthy

and because I need it.

1. Stacks of old books, read and learned from...

2. Starting a new Jane Austen book. new for me.

3. Noticing the change of seasons. Physical and heart seasons.

4. a journal without any lines or rules or expectations.

5. This House. Im really thankful for every nook and crany of this loved home.

6. Nearing the end.

7. "lol yahoo" I love my girl Deshel!

8. New things like striped shoes. (ooooOh sassy)

9. Big oversized sweater that make me feel comfy and warm.

10. Little twinsie nephews that giggle and smile:)

11. Cason saying "Go, car, Go" and him laughing at a bee buzzzzing in his ear.

Moments of Thanksgiving.

PSALMS 103

¹ Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!² Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,³who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,⁴who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,⁵who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
⁶The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed.⁷He made known his ways to Moses,
his acts to the people of Israel.⁸The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.⁹ He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.¹⁰He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.¹¹For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;¹²as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.¹³As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.¹⁴For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵As for man, his days are like grass;
he flourishes like a flower of the field;¹⁶for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its place knows it no more.¹⁷But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children’s children,¹⁸to those who keep his covenant
and remember to do his commandments.
¹⁹The LORD has established his throne in the heavens,
and his kingdom rules over all.
²⁰Bless the LORD, O you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his word,
obeying the voice of his word!²¹Bless the LORD, all his hosts,
his ministers, who do his will!²² Bless the LORD, all his works,
in all places of his dominion. Bless the LORD, O my soul!

My Heart is Beginning to Prepare for Balcony and its Wonderful Balconites:::

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