It has been a season of change and of transformation.
Slow on some days. and really fast on others.
But whatever it is, its new.
Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder or maybe the Holy Spirit is completing a good work in me. All I know is::
I have the best dad in the world, he shows me Abba's heart for me.
Mom is crazy and I love her for it! Her spunkyness is so valuable for us. I want to be full of life, questions, and still growing when I am a Nana.
I always see more and more value in Bethany. I love how she doesn't fight for control, but kinda just rolls with the punches. She is full of beauty.
There is no one I would rather have a sleepover with than Hannah. I am so thankful for her and the way she shows pursuit and perseverance.
I get to see life experienced for the first time through Cason.
I know I'm the baby, but I think I'm just proud of my sisters.
And... They chose to give me the best brothers:)
Family is one of the biggest blessings in my life.
And just when we are all kinda moving away and choosing different paths, I want to grab on for dear life and never let go of any of them.
All I know is I have cried because I haven't been able to watch two baby boys grow in Bethany's belly. Cried because I cant live next door to Hannah and Nick. And cried as my parents have driven off. Tears over my family are a blessing.
I'm learning and CHANGING.
It has been a summer of planting seeds, of living life with the next generation, and of God expanding my heart.
Relationships are beautiful and messy.
Relational work always brings growth.
And this summer was no exception...
Growing new life, spring green.
Learning how to water with love. Learning how to offer grace: room to grow and space to be.
The Pinewood ladies have taught me even more on beauty: and what it looks like to live in it.
Through being a leader, God has called me back to his words. God has invited me to feast not to starve. He has given me the means of grace. (Thanks be to God!)
So YES! Yes to feeding, chewing, and feasting on the Word of Life.
"Be infected with the Gospel."
Those words keep flashing in my head like a florecent light.
God wont let me forget.
He continues to pull me back to the Gospel of Grace.
The gospel that allows me to live a FULL life.
The gospel that allows me to live [period]
These beautiful ladies have taught me so much. They have asked me to have an open heart. A heart full of love to give and to receive. They allowed me to ask the akward questions, to call them out, and to share in their joy!
They said, "I love your laugh.
Its big and you just put it on out there
and say 'here it is world'."
God poured his GRACE down on me...
...through them!
Through their words!
Open Heart, Laughter, and Dance.
HERE THEY ARE WORLD!
Oh Ke$ha, sometimes you just speak to my heart.
we're dancin like we're dumb...
we'll be forever young...
Learning how to notice the small and silent things.
Learning about the value of journaling. Learning about Remembering.
Made journals with my ladies one night.
(Remembered and prayed for Pua)
It has been a summer full of laughter.
Sometimes all you need is soap and a tarp to have fun.
Sometimes swimming suits are overrated.
Sometimes waffle cone Wednesdays at TCBY make your day.
Sometimes, if you listen, eighth grades teach you more than teachers.
Sometimes questions plant the most valuable seeds of all.
Sometimes you just need to smile BIG and count your MANY blessings!
A summer of service. and learning to cling to the only life that matters
Learning the value of REST and SILENCE.
Learning how to receive blessing and favor.
Sometime over the years summer reading became a pleasure instead of a duty. My dad once said he had friendships with books. I laughed at him. (They are not people after all.) But now I understand. They can be your greatest teachers and encouragers. They can take you into other worlds. Their wording can pierce your heart like no other words have. So I love books. like really am in love with them.
My Summer Reading List:
Choosing to See- Mary Beth Chapman
Bittersweet- Shauna Niquist
For Love's Sake- Jessica Davis
Balcony People- Joyce Heatherley
From Brokeness to Community- Jean Vanier
Trail and Triumph- Hannula
A Sever Mercy- Vanauken
To Be Told- Dan Allender
Radical- David Platt
Authentic Relationships- Jacobsen
Listening to Love- Jan Meyers
...and many more I wish I would've finished.
This summer something beautiful was refreshed in me: I noticed how much I love children.
It seems crazy that I of all people could have forgotten that, but i did.
And Jesus was faithful to remind me.
Maybe it was Clara Fern's fierce independence and bold desires, or Georgia's laughter and desire to play, or maybe it was sweet Lilly Bella's tip toe walk and singing voice, but whatever it was- it woke me up!
Through their laughing, dancing, and playing God began to remind me what I was made for. I was made to have a child's heart. To know my worth and my value. To be delighted in and find delight in all things good.
To play hard.
To laugh until my stomach hurts.
To dance like I'm dumb...
To sing loud (no matter what my voice sounds like)
I began to enjoy God.
The love of a child awakens dead hearts. It sends living water over the dry ones and sets ablaze the small embers.
I will hold onto the memories of Georgia running into my arms laughing and screaming in delight and Ferny trying to say 'Emily' and Lilly Bella shouting "MAY I PLEASE!"
There is JOY
LIFE
CELEBRATION.
I love kiddies<3
...to be free...
So, here I am, at the end of the summer.
Crazy how fast it all has passed.
There isn't doubt in God's plan. (At least not today.)
However, there is that pain in my heart again. The one that reminds me that I wasn't made for this earth- but for an eternal one. I was made to have a home. I wasn't made for wandering and for constant good-byes. What is ironic about goodbyes is that the more you say them the harder they get. It not like most things, practice doesn't make them easier. Every person I say bye to leads to a breaking heart. And every time the pieces of my heart get smaller and smaller.
So it never gets easier with practice.
But from the brokenness a pleasing aroma rises.
And so yes, a summer beside the ocean brought much healing.
But it also brought much brokenness.
Not saying that is bad thing...
but just speaking the truth.
"Vegas to Africa."
"do you listen to your music quietly..."
Summer Playlist:::
Gotta Have You- the Weepies
I Have A Shelter- Sovereign Grace
Brought Back My Old Smile- Erin Cagle
Love Like Woe- The Ready Set
Grace Like Rain- Plumbline
Feel the Tide- Mumford and Sons
Story of Love- Mandi Mapes
Til I'm Home- Mandi Mapes
Come Ye Sinners- Indelible Grace
Haunted- Leagues
Dance Me to the End of Love- the Civil Wars
Deep Cries Out- Bethel Live
Planting Trees- Andrew Peterson
Static Waves- Andrew Belle
Who You Are When I'm Not Lookin'- Blake Shelton
We R Who We R- Ke$ha
On The Floor- Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull
Knee Deep- Zac Brown Band
Just a Kiss- Lady Antebellum.
God is my dream weaver. He has given me more dreams this summer. And I am laying them in his hands, knowing that he will weave them together perfectly; making a beautiful work of art.
So this was a summer of learning how to lament.
A summer of beginning to dream again.
A summer full of the gospel.
A summer of being WITH.
not without but WITH.
