Glitter!

Study. Study. Study. Take A Final. Study. Take A Final. Study. Study. Younglife. Study. Take A Final. Study. Take A Final.

I feel like life has been on pause for a bit.

And when it finally started moving again,

it all crashed in on me.

"Once you feel dead it is hard as hell to wake back up."

Wake up!

Wake up, you sleeper!

AWAKEN.

I am thankful for Christmas.

For Jesus being born into the messiness of this world

through a woman's birth canal.

He was born into my messy and broken world.

And this Christmas that was comfort for me.

It was less about celebration and more about THANKSGIVING.

Thankful that he didn't leave me alone, but that he came.

HE CAME! and today that is enough for me.

I am not alone:::

That manna feels like a five course meal.

I love my family.

I say it all the time,

but thats because each time I am with them my heart expands.

I cant believe I missed some things for years.

Family is always hard,

but it is also full of love and joy.

This is family too! and I miss them all...

a lot.

"LIVE IN THE QUESTIONS."

I would rather ignore the questions.

These tiny little sentences pierce my heart and make it fully uncomfortable and out of control.

And to be blut- I hate both of those feelings!

But questions bring me to the feet of Jesus.

They ask me to cling to something firm.

They remind me to be thankful that my identity is given to me.

and that I dont have to earn it!

But how do I love the questions?

This I need help with.

“I believe that this way of living, this focus on the present, the daily, the tangible, this intense concentration not on the news headlines but on the flowers growing in your own garden, the children growing in your own home, this way of living has the potential to open up the heavens, to yield a glittering handful of diamonds where a second ago there was coal. This way of living and noticing and building and crafting can crack through the movie sets and soundtracks that keep us waiting for our own life stories to begin, and set us free to observe the lives we have been creating all along without even realizing it.”
― Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life

Glitter! this has been what God has used to talk to me lately.

"Im not a glitter person," I tell her.

"What does that mean?" she asks.

Little did I know

that God was gonna use that little question

to bring transformation into my life.

Glitter! has NO fear of Man!

It is that kinda thing that you either hate or love.

But it doesn't care that people hate it,

it still kinda screams:

"HERE I AM WORLD! see me!"

It also spreads faster then gossip.

Light reflects off it!

and it is radically beautiful.

And it cant hide.

No matter how hard I try to hide, God constantly calls me out.

This time he is saying... "Wake up! Wake up! I made you to be like glitter em.

I MADE YOU LIKE GLITTER!"

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5: 14-16

NO FEAR,

Ya'll.

P.S. I miss my girls. Im thankful for them!

"You gotta big your fairy tail baby."

I'm a "glitter" person.

... who knew.?.

But I am.

Cause' God speaks to me through GLITTER!

Awkward Story Number ONE.

I am sitting at Pasha,

Supposedly working on some paper, when this old guy walks in and sits RIGHT across from me.

Like I am on a couch and five feet away there is another couch facing me. And he sits right there, not diagonal, not on the ten empty other seats in the room. But right across from me.

He has been there for the past ten minutes.

Every time I look up he is looking back at me.

Now maybe it is by chance.

But I kinda feel awkward that some one is sitting there staring at me and I cant really do anything about it.

Sometimes people are just plain weird.

But you know what, sometimes I am too.

So I guess Ill give the old guy a break and just pray he leaves soon.

Eleven (11) Things.

This is not a Thanksgiving day post.

(This really isn't about some American Holiday.)

Really its me remembering what God taught me last year.

Almost every night me and my roomie, Katie, would crawl into bed and each say eleven things we were thankful for from the day. It was a dark season for me and it allowed me to grow and change and notice the bits of Manna that God was giving me throughout my day.

It was so good for my heart.

NOTICE his faithfullness over you.

Notice his love

and his care for you!

Today God reminded me that THERE IS PEACE IN PRAISE.

and so I give thanks and praise for what he has done.

Because he is worthy

and because I need it.

1. Stacks of old books, read and learned from...

2. Starting a new Jane Austen book. new for me.

3. Noticing the change of seasons. Physical and heart seasons.

4. a journal without any lines or rules or expectations.

5. This House. Im really thankful for every nook and crany of this loved home.

6. Nearing the end.

7. "lol yahoo" I love my girl Deshel!

8. New things like striped shoes. (ooooOh sassy)

9. Big oversized sweater that make me feel comfy and warm.

10. Little twinsie nephews that giggle and smile:)

11. Cason saying "Go, car, Go" and him laughing at a bee buzzzzing in his ear.

LOVES and Learning.

I love fall.

The trees are dying but the colors come alive.

quiet little paradoxes.

They offer me life and healing.

I notice the leaves falling. Slowly.

I remember this one morning in North Carolina, waking up to my dad's excitment.

He was pulling me and my sisters outside into the chilly morning air.

We ran around in circles under the big oak trees.

Arms in the air, lifted high.

Reaching for the leaves.

Catching them as they fell.

Celebrating the little moments of beauty.

I love fall. and I love that memory.

Beautiful rain drops on my window.

Beautiful blurring of colors.

The cold air rushes in, overwhelming me, and bringing new seasons.

I love a lot.

and I love a lot of people.

and I even love a lot of things.

but even in that, im still learning how to love.

cause most days it is trial and error kinda method.

its hard.

but its worth it!

Especially for people like Deshel and Meme.

They grab my heart and don't let it go.

I love their hugs and squeals. their sass and tears.

I love knitting.

and reading.

journaling.

sitting.

listening.

dancing.

and laughing.

Deshel said, "This my friend Emily!" as if to tell her I was safe and to warn her not to give me a hard time. (This is love acted out not spoken.)

I am thankful for being received.

For learning new things.

and loving and being loved.

I LOVE Family.

Well... actually, I love MY whole big family.

My parents

and sisters

and brother-in-laws

and all my nephews:)

I LOVE EM' ALL!

I am so excited for Christmas to come,

I could just pee my pants!

Fall Break on the Mountain.

This fall break I am being called into a place of

stillness.

noticing.

listnening.

SEEING.

And so, to do that,

I will be taking photographs of my break

instead of putting words to it.

Sometimes I see more through the lens of a camera.

I am thankful for the gift of sight.

For colors and for reading words.

For seeing pictures and nature.

For sunshine and for seeing the death of colorful leaves.

These photos are places of truth:

places of thanksgiving.

places of noticing.

THANKS BE TO GOD!

It is a great pity that, in the world of light, the gift of sight is used only as a mere convenience rather than as a means of adding fullness to life.”~Helen Keller

"It is not what the world holds for you, it is what you bring to it." -Anne of Green Gables

Desire is painful these days.

It seems safe, fluid like.

And then it hardens, expands, pushes up against my walls.

( Like water freezing )

It crushes the things I thought I knew.

It hurts.

"More Lament.

More Mourning"

That is what HE is callng me to.

Oh, how it hurts.

So thankful I can rest in His love for me.

P.s. I <3 Howard HighSchool.

P.s.

I am ready to play in some RED DIRT!

oh. I miss pemba today.

Thanks in the Unknown.

This is what my life feels like most days:::

Pure craziness.

Reckless.

Out of control.

This is how I feel:

Crazy insane,

and yet FULL of laughter!

Sometimes, the craziness is where you learn how to just be.

How to be honest, real, and raw.

How to wait on the Lord.

How to be still.

How to KNOW (in full confidence) that he is bringing redmeption.

ONLY THROUGH HIS BLOOD!!!

So in the midst of the chaos, tears, and groans... I feel still.

I feel someone taking my hand and bringing my focus back to the TRUTH.

back to HIM.

Thanks be to God.

"Live in the Questions." Thank you Anna Harrison.

Why is there fear in the unknown?

Better question,

Why is there not thanks and praise in the unknown?

Well I can tell you one thing,

God is ripping people pleasing out of me.

It feels brutal.

Just sayin'

More and more unsettled.

More peace though.

More JESUS.

"You can have all this world.

Just give me Jesus!"

It is raining outside.

I love rain... I have always said that it is God crying with his people.

And tonight that is true again.

This beautifully hard life brings mourning and lament.

Sometimes it rains for a short time but it rains hard.

Tonight it rains long and softly.

And that is what lament in this season looks like too.

There is nothing short and sweet about mourning.

This will be a long and constant process.

But God is reminding me that he is WITH.

He journeys with me through this hardness.

He allows the water of life to pour out over me.

He brings streams into the desert places (Psalm 107).

He allows the rain to remind me of truth.

Truth that he is WITH.

Some people shut out the rain.

I open up my life to it.

I open my windows to hear the pitter-patter.

I step out onto the Balcony to hear it clearly

and to feel the cool air.

I want the wind to push the rain into me.

I want to step into the messiness and calmness of tender rain.

I want my life to offer the same fragrance this rain offers to me!

"I Heard her...I am noticed, I am beautiful."

oh God. you are so good

you encourage me just in the nick of time.

you save me.

just in the nick of time.

"Don't be alone.

Cause you aint:)"

if i seem to be strong. its a lie. im not.

maybe Christ gives me strength.

but that is it. none of it is mine.

super needy.

thats not a bad place to be.

its just an honest place for me.

honest, raw, and full of HOPE.

Just throwin' this out there.

I want to be a mom so bad.

I want to cook and clean

and LAUGH and DANCE.

And be crazy:) and except tears.

Mom just sounds wonderful to me right now.

BEAUTY AWAKENS:

I am surrounded by beauty.

Daily noticing God's grace gifts.

I am counting again:) Thanks to Ann.

God is worthy of so much more than I can ever give.

But I want to give it all. all i have to give.

Blessed to be a blessing.

Little Bits of Ordinary.

So. Life is moving on and it is one of those very full seasons.

(i guess they all are)

"Life is made of the moments."

Covenant. Balcony.

Mission Chatt. Psalms with women.

Urban YL. Pin and Yata.

Soul sisters.

Waiting. Questions.

Matthew and Jesus.

Two Little J's.

Lovin' the Fam.

Staff and Girls.

Lunch Dates.

Classes.

Full Time Student?

WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES THAT MEAN???

Oh Balcony... how I love you all.

Balcony is FULL of love, laughter, tears, little quirks, and big hugs.

Some days it has conflict...

Some days it has silence,

Some days it has tons of squealing,

but on all days God is moving!

"Im clinging to the promise that your not through with me yet."

GREEN [Fresh] LIFE!

We R Who We R.

HOLLA!

What is this life about? I guess it seems like a crazy question for a christian to ask. But ill be honest and say that some days this routine just doesnt cut it for me. There are days where i forget to notice the beauty, or forget to be present and engage, and there are days where i dont notice God at work.

There are a couple girls on Balcony who are in a ceramics class.

And they will be in the art barn for hours at a time!!!

HOURS.

They practice so hard to be able to work on the wheel.

Potters Hands.

THE POTTER SPENDS HOURS, no DAYS on me!

He forms.mold.

Rips down

and Builds back up.

He works me till im soft and ready.

Ready to be moved-

Ready to be changed!

He is at work.

CAPTURE MY HEART AGAIN<3

"Your love is extravagent, your friendship is intimate.

I feel like movin' to the rythm of your grace."

HE IS CALLING ME BACK! back into love.

back into his pure and righteous love.

Grace is pouring out and He is giving me eyes to see.

eyes to see and notice.

He is pulling back into thanksgiving.

"Hard Thanksgiving."

hard.

thanks.

"Open up my eyes to the things unseen."

Routine doesnt work for me.

Thankful that He is offering me much more than routine!

Thankful that He has offered me LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

Thankful that I am learning to receive!

Please Welcome to stage Yata and Pin:::

Breaking off curses

and doing UrbanYoungLife skits.

holla.

So overwhelmed by God's goodness.

So thankful for my [now] THREE nephews!

Cason (rock)

Judah (praise)

Jonas (peace).

Being an aunt is the biggest blessing I have. (right above being a sister:)

"Aunt Em."

"Oh how sweet to trust in Jesus.

Just to trust his cleansing blood...

Oh for grace,

to trust him more."

"

Hurricane.

I need You like a hurricane

Thunder crashing wind and rain

To tear my walls down

I'm only Yours now

I need You like a burning flame

A wild fire untamed

To burn these walls down

I'm only yours now

I'm only yours now

I am Yours alone Lord

PSALM 51:17

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart,

O God, you will not despise.

May We Walk In Sunshine.

Green grass.

Maxi dresses.

Fun boots.

Loud laughter.

Sarah and Stephy!

Sabbath Rest.

Slow reading.

Truth telling.

Heart friends.

Soul and

Blues.

Reading.

Journaling.

Inspiring Art.

Colorful Books.

Country

Music.

Some Dancin'

and singing.

Crazy Hair.

Care Free.

Alive.

Life is BEAUTIFUL. when we notice it and when we don't. It is beautiful!

Life is offered to us. It is freely given.

So I am thankful.

Simply,

GIVE THANKS.

My heart is formed by thankgiving.

(in the good and the bad.)

GIVE THANKS.

Questions on my mind:

>Why did God create our hearts to desire?

>How do I not live by fear?

>What does "beautifully broken" actaully look like in real life?

>What does release look like?

"Turn from the path of planning,

to the path of PEACE."

Thankful for Mission Chat.

and a morning of sharing stories.

"all my rent man does is turn off my electricity."

There is NO fear in darkness.

Darkness flees when the Light Comes.

Jesus Come.

P.S. I REALLY love diet Coke! :)

Goodbye Summer 2011.

I love you Pinewoods. I love you beautiful ocean and waves.

I am gonna be missing you all. dearly.

goodbyes are so painful.

thankful.

Georgia is on my mind.

Remembering last year. Moving in. Being a freshman. Having these two friends with me.

Thankful for all that God is continuing to do in us.

"Hopeful Expectation" I hear him say.

Clinging to truth. The truth that God is a redeemer. MY REDEEMER.

SEE YOU SOON BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAINS,

how I have missed you!

Yours truly,

Emmy Joy Bug.

Grace Filled Beach Day.

I had a beautiful day.

Full of wind, salty air, and rough waves.

Full of questions and honest answers.

Full of STORY.

A day at the beach with my girls.

Beautiful Wind,

Messing up our hair.

small things.

Notice the small GRACE GIFTS.

Notice the color.

BRIGHT COLORS.

Brown, Orange, Purple, Blue, Pure White, Green.

NOTICE

NOTICE AND BE FILLED WITH

WONDER!

Be in awe of our GREAT GOD.

Grace washes over me

and offers healing.

A Summer Soaking In The Sun.

This was a FULL summer. I guess life usually seems full. Late in May I got into Shiloh my Chevy and headed towards Pensacola, FL unaware of all that God had planned for me. I wrote in my journal, "I notice that you (God) are inviting me into a new season of life." And that he was.

It has been a season of change and of transformation.

Slow on some days. and really fast on others.

But whatever it is, its new.

It feels like winter just ended and I am seeing green life for the first time.

Its beautiful and it makes me want to turn up my radio and sing loud!

So here are WeeBits of my summer. (Crazy its almost over.)

I fell in love with my family this summer. I mean, I have always loved my whole family. But this summer something in my heart changed.

I longed to be with them.

To celebrate WITH them.

And to CELEBRATE them!

To laugh with them.

Every glimpse I get of their hearts is pure delight.

Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder or maybe the Holy Spirit is completing a good work in me. All I know is::

I have the best dad in the world, he shows me Abba's heart for me.

Mom is crazy and I love her for it! Her spunkyness is so valuable for us. I want to be full of life, questions, and still growing when I am a Nana.

I always see more and more value in Bethany. I love how she doesn't fight for control, but kinda just rolls with the punches. She is full of beauty.

There is no one I would rather have a sleepover with than Hannah. I am so thankful for her and the way she shows pursuit and perseverance.

I get to see life experienced for the first time through Cason.

I know I'm the baby, but I think I'm just proud of my sisters.

And... They chose to give me the best brothers:)

Family is one of the biggest blessings in my life.

And just when we are all kinda moving away and choosing different paths, I want to grab on for dear life and never let go of any of them.

All I know is I have cried because I haven't been able to watch two baby boys grow in Bethany's belly. Cried because I cant live next door to Hannah and Nick. And cried as my parents have driven off. Tears over my family are a blessing.

I'm learning and CHANGING.

It has been a summer of planting seeds, of living life with the next generation, and of God expanding my heart.

Relationships are beautiful and messy.

Relational work always brings growth.

And this summer was no exception...

Growing new life, spring green.

Learning how to water with love. Learning how to offer grace: room to grow and space to be.

The Pinewood ladies have taught me even more on beauty: and what it looks like to live in it.

Through being a leader, God has called me back to his words. God has invited me to feast not to starve. He has given me the means of grace. (Thanks be to God!)

So YES! Yes to feeding, chewing, and feasting on the Word of Life.

"Be infected with the Gospel."

Those words keep flashing in my head like a florecent light.

God wont let me forget.

He continues to pull me back to the Gospel of Grace.

The gospel that allows me to live a FULL life.

The gospel that allows me to live [period]

These beautiful ladies have taught me so much. They have asked me to have an open heart. A heart full of love to give and to receive. They allowed me to ask the akward questions, to call them out, and to share in their joy!

They said, "I love your laugh.

Its big and you just put it on out there

and say 'here it is world'."

God poured his GRACE down on me...

...through them!

Through their words!

Open Heart, Laughter, and Dance.

HERE THEY ARE WORLD!

Oh Ke$ha, sometimes you just speak to my heart.

we're dancin like we're dumb...

we'll be forever young...

Learning how to notice the small and silent things.

Learning about the value of journaling. Learning about Remembering.

Made journals with my ladies one night.

(Remembered and prayed for Pua)

It has been a summer full of laughter.

Sometimes all you need is soap and a tarp to have fun.

Sometimes swimming suits are overrated.

Sometimes waffle cone Wednesdays at TCBY make your day.

Sometimes, if you listen, eighth grades teach you more than teachers.

Sometimes questions plant the most valuable seeds of all.

Sometimes you just need to smile BIG and count your MANY blessings!

A summer of service. and learning to cling to the only life that matters

Learning the value of REST and SILENCE.

Learning how to receive blessing and favor.

Sometime over the years summer reading became a pleasure instead of a duty. My dad once said he had friendships with books. I laughed at him. (They are not people after all.) But now I understand. They can be your greatest teachers and encouragers. They can take you into other worlds. Their wording can pierce your heart like no other words have. So I love books. like really am in love with them.

My Summer Reading List:

Choosing to See- Mary Beth Chapman

Bittersweet- Shauna Niquist

For Love's Sake- Jessica Davis

Balcony People- Joyce Heatherley

From Brokeness to Community- Jean Vanier

Trail and Triumph- Hannula

A Sever Mercy- Vanauken

To Be Told- Dan Allender

Radical- David Platt

Authentic Relationships- Jacobsen

Listening to Love- Jan Meyers

...and many more I wish I would've finished.

This summer something beautiful was refreshed in me: I noticed how much I love children.

It seems crazy that I of all people could have forgotten that, but i did.

And Jesus was faithful to remind me.

Maybe it was Clara Fern's fierce independence and bold desires, or Georgia's laughter and desire to play, or maybe it was sweet Lilly Bella's tip toe walk and singing voice, but whatever it was- it woke me up!

Through their laughing, dancing, and playing God began to remind me what I was made for. I was made to have a child's heart. To know my worth and my value. To be delighted in and find delight in all things good.

To play hard.

To laugh until my stomach hurts.

To dance like I'm dumb...

To sing loud (no matter what my voice sounds like)

I began to enjoy God.

The love of a child awakens dead hearts. It sends living water over the dry ones and sets ablaze the small embers.

I will hold onto the memories of Georgia running into my arms laughing and screaming in delight and Ferny trying to say 'Emily' and Lilly Bella shouting "MAY I PLEASE!"

There is JOY

LIFE

CELEBRATION.

I love kiddies<3

...to be free...

So, here I am, at the end of the summer.

Crazy how fast it all has passed.

There isn't doubt in God's plan. (At least not today.)

However, there is that pain in my heart again. The one that reminds me that I wasn't made for this earth- but for an eternal one. I was made to have a home. I wasn't made for wandering and for constant good-byes. What is ironic about goodbyes is that the more you say them the harder they get. It not like most things, practice doesn't make them easier. Every person I say bye to leads to a breaking heart. And every time the pieces of my heart get smaller and smaller.

So it never gets easier with practice.

But from the brokenness a pleasing aroma rises.

And so yes, a summer beside the ocean brought much healing.

But it also brought much brokenness.

Not saying that is bad thing...

but just speaking the truth.

"Vegas to Africa."

"do you listen to your music quietly..."

Summer Playlist:::

Gotta Have You- the Weepies

I Have A Shelter- Sovereign Grace

Brought Back My Old Smile- Erin Cagle

Love Like Woe- The Ready Set

Grace Like Rain- Plumbline

Feel the Tide- Mumford and Sons

Story of Love- Mandi Mapes

Til I'm Home- Mandi Mapes

Come Ye Sinners- Indelible Grace

Haunted- Leagues

Dance Me to the End of Love- the Civil Wars

Deep Cries Out- Bethel Live

Planting Trees- Andrew Peterson

Static Waves- Andrew Belle

Who You Are When I'm Not Lookin'- Blake Shelton

We R Who We R- Ke$ha

On The Floor- Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull

Knee Deep- Zac Brown Band

Just a Kiss- Lady Antebellum.

God is my dream weaver. He has given me more dreams this summer. And I am laying them in his hands, knowing that he will weave them together perfectly; making a beautiful work of art.

So this was a summer of learning how to lament.

A summer of beginning to dream again.

A summer full of the gospel.

A summer of being WITH.

not without but WITH.