Tennessee in the Fall

I will be missing this season,

 Listen to this baby. it is good.

Soup and Wings.

The truth I have been clinging to these days: God's love NEVER fails.

So much life has happened.

Usually, when blogs aren't posted its because there is just too much. too much of life too fast.

too much isn't bad.

too much sometimes isn't even fast.

its just a lot.

I have been learning a lot about WORDS lately. God had told me he

would teach me, he even prepared me for thinking about truth. I just had no idea

how it would all bubble up.

I had no idea that I had hidden the deceit that lived in me and blocked it off from God's transformation power.

I had tombed it off.

"the most revolutionary act is telling the truth."

PUT on the BELT of TRUTH, cause your pants are fallin' off.

God is a talker. That is good news for me. Exodus 19, God speaks! He communicates clearly. Another truth that I am learning to lean on and trust in. "Do you trust that your shepherd speeks to his sheep?"

QUESTIONS are so valuable.

Dr. Pettit tells me to write down the questions. He says, "You are writing down the questions, right?!"

>>>Big questions leave lots of room for God to move<<<

YOU ARE MAKING ME INTO SOUP! and it is super painful!

When a catapillar transforms and is inside the cocoon all of its organs are broken down and made into something that resembles soup. It is liquid, sloshing around in there waiting to be made into something! All of the old organs are broken down because they are not equipped to take on the new identity. Then these cells called Imaginary Cells begin to grow and build new organs. Scientists cannot figure out what gets these cells to begin, but they do, faithfully.

All of my old ograns have been made into slush.

I have sucessfully become soup.

"Now what?!?"

I am empty handed but alive in His hands.

Death bringing NEW life.

Depression bringing dependency

Makin' me into Soup.

WHAT CAN WASH AWAY MY SIN???

... NOTHING but the BLOOD of JESUS!

(Little giggling boys)

Im thankful that I was given two sisters to journey with and to be family with! Im thankful that God is teaching me to SAVOR time and moments with.

He is able. He is willing.

Doubt no more.

I am really thankful for laughter.

for this beautiful mountain top.

for the promise of sunshine.

for a cozy night in the city with Sarah:)

for glitter!

for colorful and vibrant parts of life (even when they come in forms of dresses)

for being able to hold my nephews

and for tears

Im thankful that goodbyes are hard cause it means that my life is RICH!!!

Im thankful for matching

and having a brother.

Im thankful that the WORD is so So SO ALIVE!

Im thankful for the promise of sunshine and Orlando.

for invitations

for Pat encouraging me to make space inside me soul

for courage to speak truth

for lies being broken off me

for living into the truth that hiddeness does NOT protect

thankful for soup being able to make wings and reproduction organs.

Im just thankful that God is working on me.

I for sure am in the WorkRoom.

Slow and tedious work.

Slow, tedious, and beautiful.

BYE YA'LL.

Glitter!

Study. Study. Study. Take A Final. Study. Take A Final. Study. Study. Younglife. Study. Take A Final. Study. Take A Final.

I feel like life has been on pause for a bit.

And when it finally started moving again,

it all crashed in on me.

"Once you feel dead it is hard as hell to wake back up."

Wake up!

Wake up, you sleeper!

AWAKEN.

I am thankful for Christmas.

For Jesus being born into the messiness of this world

through a woman's birth canal.

He was born into my messy and broken world.

And this Christmas that was comfort for me.

It was less about celebration and more about THANKSGIVING.

Thankful that he didn't leave me alone, but that he came.

HE CAME! and today that is enough for me.

I am not alone:::

That manna feels like a five course meal.

I love my family.

I say it all the time,

but thats because each time I am with them my heart expands.

I cant believe I missed some things for years.

Family is always hard,

but it is also full of love and joy.

This is family too! and I miss them all...

a lot.

"LIVE IN THE QUESTIONS."

I would rather ignore the questions.

These tiny little sentences pierce my heart and make it fully uncomfortable and out of control.

And to be blut- I hate both of those feelings!

But questions bring me to the feet of Jesus.

They ask me to cling to something firm.

They remind me to be thankful that my identity is given to me.

and that I dont have to earn it!

But how do I love the questions?

This I need help with.

“I believe that this way of living, this focus on the present, the daily, the tangible, this intense concentration not on the news headlines but on the flowers growing in your own garden, the children growing in your own home, this way of living has the potential to open up the heavens, to yield a glittering handful of diamonds where a second ago there was coal. This way of living and noticing and building and crafting can crack through the movie sets and soundtracks that keep us waiting for our own life stories to begin, and set us free to observe the lives we have been creating all along without even realizing it.”
― Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life

Glitter! this has been what God has used to talk to me lately.

"Im not a glitter person," I tell her.

"What does that mean?" she asks.

Little did I know

that God was gonna use that little question

to bring transformation into my life.

Glitter! has NO fear of Man!

It is that kinda thing that you either hate or love.

But it doesn't care that people hate it,

it still kinda screams:

"HERE I AM WORLD! see me!"

It also spreads faster then gossip.

Light reflects off it!

and it is radically beautiful.

And it cant hide.

No matter how hard I try to hide, God constantly calls me out.

This time he is saying... "Wake up! Wake up! I made you to be like glitter em.

I MADE YOU LIKE GLITTER!"

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5: 14-16

NO FEAR,

Ya'll.

P.S. I miss my girls. Im thankful for them!

"You gotta big your fairy tail baby."

LOVES and Learning.

I love fall.

The trees are dying but the colors come alive.

quiet little paradoxes.

They offer me life and healing.

I notice the leaves falling. Slowly.

I remember this one morning in North Carolina, waking up to my dad's excitment.

He was pulling me and my sisters outside into the chilly morning air.

We ran around in circles under the big oak trees.

Arms in the air, lifted high.

Reaching for the leaves.

Catching them as they fell.

Celebrating the little moments of beauty.

I love fall. and I love that memory.

Beautiful rain drops on my window.

Beautiful blurring of colors.

The cold air rushes in, overwhelming me, and bringing new seasons.

I love a lot.

and I love a lot of people.

and I even love a lot of things.

but even in that, im still learning how to love.

cause most days it is trial and error kinda method.

its hard.

but its worth it!

Especially for people like Deshel and Meme.

They grab my heart and don't let it go.

I love their hugs and squeals. their sass and tears.

I love knitting.

and reading.

journaling.

sitting.

listening.

dancing.

and laughing.

Deshel said, "This my friend Emily!" as if to tell her I was safe and to warn her not to give me a hard time. (This is love acted out not spoken.)

I am thankful for being received.

For learning new things.

and loving and being loved.

I LOVE Family.

Well... actually, I love MY whole big family.

My parents

and sisters

and brother-in-laws

and all my nephews:)

I LOVE EM' ALL!

I am so excited for Christmas to come,

I could just pee my pants!

Little Bits of Ordinary.

So. Life is moving on and it is one of those very full seasons.

(i guess they all are)

"Life is made of the moments."

Covenant. Balcony.

Mission Chatt. Psalms with women.

Urban YL. Pin and Yata.

Soul sisters.

Waiting. Questions.

Matthew and Jesus.

Two Little J's.

Lovin' the Fam.

Staff and Girls.

Lunch Dates.

Classes.

Full Time Student?

WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES THAT MEAN???

Oh Balcony... how I love you all.

Balcony is FULL of love, laughter, tears, little quirks, and big hugs.

Some days it has conflict...

Some days it has silence,

Some days it has tons of squealing,

but on all days God is moving!

"Im clinging to the promise that your not through with me yet."

GREEN [Fresh] LIFE!

We R Who We R.

HOLLA!

What is this life about? I guess it seems like a crazy question for a christian to ask. But ill be honest and say that some days this routine just doesnt cut it for me. There are days where i forget to notice the beauty, or forget to be present and engage, and there are days where i dont notice God at work.

There are a couple girls on Balcony who are in a ceramics class.

And they will be in the art barn for hours at a time!!!

HOURS.

They practice so hard to be able to work on the wheel.

Potters Hands.

THE POTTER SPENDS HOURS, no DAYS on me!

He forms.mold.

Rips down

and Builds back up.

He works me till im soft and ready.

Ready to be moved-

Ready to be changed!

He is at work.

CAPTURE MY HEART AGAIN<3

"Your love is extravagent, your friendship is intimate.

I feel like movin' to the rythm of your grace."

HE IS CALLING ME BACK! back into love.

back into his pure and righteous love.

Grace is pouring out and He is giving me eyes to see.

eyes to see and notice.

He is pulling back into thanksgiving.

"Hard Thanksgiving."

hard.

thanks.

"Open up my eyes to the things unseen."

Routine doesnt work for me.

Thankful that He is offering me much more than routine!

Thankful that He has offered me LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

Thankful that I am learning to receive!

Please Welcome to stage Yata and Pin:::

Breaking off curses

and doing UrbanYoungLife skits.

holla.

So overwhelmed by God's goodness.

So thankful for my [now] THREE nephews!

Cason (rock)

Judah (praise)

Jonas (peace).

Being an aunt is the biggest blessing I have. (right above being a sister:)

"Aunt Em."

"Oh how sweet to trust in Jesus.

Just to trust his cleansing blood...

Oh for grace,

to trust him more."

"

A Summer Soaking In The Sun.

This was a FULL summer. I guess life usually seems full. Late in May I got into Shiloh my Chevy and headed towards Pensacola, FL unaware of all that God had planned for me. I wrote in my journal, "I notice that you (God) are inviting me into a new season of life." And that he was.

It has been a season of change and of transformation.

Slow on some days. and really fast on others.

But whatever it is, its new.

It feels like winter just ended and I am seeing green life for the first time.

Its beautiful and it makes me want to turn up my radio and sing loud!

So here are WeeBits of my summer. (Crazy its almost over.)

I fell in love with my family this summer. I mean, I have always loved my whole family. But this summer something in my heart changed.

I longed to be with them.

To celebrate WITH them.

And to CELEBRATE them!

To laugh with them.

Every glimpse I get of their hearts is pure delight.

Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder or maybe the Holy Spirit is completing a good work in me. All I know is::

I have the best dad in the world, he shows me Abba's heart for me.

Mom is crazy and I love her for it! Her spunkyness is so valuable for us. I want to be full of life, questions, and still growing when I am a Nana.

I always see more and more value in Bethany. I love how she doesn't fight for control, but kinda just rolls with the punches. She is full of beauty.

There is no one I would rather have a sleepover with than Hannah. I am so thankful for her and the way she shows pursuit and perseverance.

I get to see life experienced for the first time through Cason.

I know I'm the baby, but I think I'm just proud of my sisters.

And... They chose to give me the best brothers:)

Family is one of the biggest blessings in my life.

And just when we are all kinda moving away and choosing different paths, I want to grab on for dear life and never let go of any of them.

All I know is I have cried because I haven't been able to watch two baby boys grow in Bethany's belly. Cried because I cant live next door to Hannah and Nick. And cried as my parents have driven off. Tears over my family are a blessing.

I'm learning and CHANGING.

It has been a summer of planting seeds, of living life with the next generation, and of God expanding my heart.

Relationships are beautiful and messy.

Relational work always brings growth.

And this summer was no exception...

Growing new life, spring green.

Learning how to water with love. Learning how to offer grace: room to grow and space to be.

The Pinewood ladies have taught me even more on beauty: and what it looks like to live in it.

Through being a leader, God has called me back to his words. God has invited me to feast not to starve. He has given me the means of grace. (Thanks be to God!)

So YES! Yes to feeding, chewing, and feasting on the Word of Life.

"Be infected with the Gospel."

Those words keep flashing in my head like a florecent light.

God wont let me forget.

He continues to pull me back to the Gospel of Grace.

The gospel that allows me to live a FULL life.

The gospel that allows me to live [period]

These beautiful ladies have taught me so much. They have asked me to have an open heart. A heart full of love to give and to receive. They allowed me to ask the akward questions, to call them out, and to share in their joy!

They said, "I love your laugh.

Its big and you just put it on out there

and say 'here it is world'."

God poured his GRACE down on me...

...through them!

Through their words!

Open Heart, Laughter, and Dance.

HERE THEY ARE WORLD!

Oh Ke$ha, sometimes you just speak to my heart.

we're dancin like we're dumb...

we'll be forever young...

Learning how to notice the small and silent things.

Learning about the value of journaling. Learning about Remembering.

Made journals with my ladies one night.

(Remembered and prayed for Pua)

It has been a summer full of laughter.

Sometimes all you need is soap and a tarp to have fun.

Sometimes swimming suits are overrated.

Sometimes waffle cone Wednesdays at TCBY make your day.

Sometimes, if you listen, eighth grades teach you more than teachers.

Sometimes questions plant the most valuable seeds of all.

Sometimes you just need to smile BIG and count your MANY blessings!

A summer of service. and learning to cling to the only life that matters

Learning the value of REST and SILENCE.

Learning how to receive blessing and favor.

Sometime over the years summer reading became a pleasure instead of a duty. My dad once said he had friendships with books. I laughed at him. (They are not people after all.) But now I understand. They can be your greatest teachers and encouragers. They can take you into other worlds. Their wording can pierce your heart like no other words have. So I love books. like really am in love with them.

My Summer Reading List:

Choosing to See- Mary Beth Chapman

Bittersweet- Shauna Niquist

For Love's Sake- Jessica Davis

Balcony People- Joyce Heatherley

From Brokeness to Community- Jean Vanier

Trail and Triumph- Hannula

A Sever Mercy- Vanauken

To Be Told- Dan Allender

Radical- David Platt

Authentic Relationships- Jacobsen

Listening to Love- Jan Meyers

...and many more I wish I would've finished.

This summer something beautiful was refreshed in me: I noticed how much I love children.

It seems crazy that I of all people could have forgotten that, but i did.

And Jesus was faithful to remind me.

Maybe it was Clara Fern's fierce independence and bold desires, or Georgia's laughter and desire to play, or maybe it was sweet Lilly Bella's tip toe walk and singing voice, but whatever it was- it woke me up!

Through their laughing, dancing, and playing God began to remind me what I was made for. I was made to have a child's heart. To know my worth and my value. To be delighted in and find delight in all things good.

To play hard.

To laugh until my stomach hurts.

To dance like I'm dumb...

To sing loud (no matter what my voice sounds like)

I began to enjoy God.

The love of a child awakens dead hearts. It sends living water over the dry ones and sets ablaze the small embers.

I will hold onto the memories of Georgia running into my arms laughing and screaming in delight and Ferny trying to say 'Emily' and Lilly Bella shouting "MAY I PLEASE!"

There is JOY

LIFE

CELEBRATION.

I love kiddies<3

...to be free...

So, here I am, at the end of the summer.

Crazy how fast it all has passed.

There isn't doubt in God's plan. (At least not today.)

However, there is that pain in my heart again. The one that reminds me that I wasn't made for this earth- but for an eternal one. I was made to have a home. I wasn't made for wandering and for constant good-byes. What is ironic about goodbyes is that the more you say them the harder they get. It not like most things, practice doesn't make them easier. Every person I say bye to leads to a breaking heart. And every time the pieces of my heart get smaller and smaller.

So it never gets easier with practice.

But from the brokenness a pleasing aroma rises.

And so yes, a summer beside the ocean brought much healing.

But it also brought much brokenness.

Not saying that is bad thing...

but just speaking the truth.

"Vegas to Africa."

"do you listen to your music quietly..."

Summer Playlist:::

Gotta Have You- the Weepies

I Have A Shelter- Sovereign Grace

Brought Back My Old Smile- Erin Cagle

Love Like Woe- The Ready Set

Grace Like Rain- Plumbline

Feel the Tide- Mumford and Sons

Story of Love- Mandi Mapes

Til I'm Home- Mandi Mapes

Come Ye Sinners- Indelible Grace

Haunted- Leagues

Dance Me to the End of Love- the Civil Wars

Deep Cries Out- Bethel Live

Planting Trees- Andrew Peterson

Static Waves- Andrew Belle

Who You Are When I'm Not Lookin'- Blake Shelton

We R Who We R- Ke$ha

On The Floor- Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull

Knee Deep- Zac Brown Band

Just a Kiss- Lady Antebellum.

God is my dream weaver. He has given me more dreams this summer. And I am laying them in his hands, knowing that he will weave them together perfectly; making a beautiful work of art.

So this was a summer of learning how to lament.

A summer of beginning to dream again.

A summer full of the gospel.

A summer of being WITH.

not without but WITH.

Moments of Thanksgiving.

PSALMS 103

¹ Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!² Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,³who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,⁴who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,⁵who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
⁶The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed.⁷He made known his ways to Moses,
his acts to the people of Israel.⁸The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.⁹ He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.¹⁰He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.¹¹For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;¹²as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.¹³As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.¹⁴For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵As for man, his days are like grass;
he flourishes like a flower of the field;¹⁶for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its place knows it no more.¹⁷But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children’s children,¹⁸to those who keep his covenant
and remember to do his commandments.
¹⁹The LORD has established his throne in the heavens,
and his kingdom rules over all.
²⁰Bless the LORD, O you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his word,
obeying the voice of his word!²¹Bless the LORD, all his hosts,
his ministers, who do his will!²² Bless the LORD, all his works,
in all places of his dominion. Bless the LORD, O my soul!

My Heart is Beginning to Prepare for Balcony and its Wonderful Balconites:::

Check out this Blog:::

http://www.aholyexperience.com/