Tennessee in the Fall

I will be missing this season,

 Listen to this baby. it is good.

Homecoming.

So this blog post is coming a little late-

but it is worth saying it.

Homecoming.

What a funny word to describe an event at a college- at your college- returning for a weekend, surround by familiar faces and places. Home. Could returning to a place you spent four years at somehow feel like returning home? It seems impossible, and yet, it does. It feels surprisingly like you are returning to a place where at least once upon a time, you were known, loved, and belonged. It feels like a complicated, longing-filled return home. 

Homecoming 2014 was beautiful.

As we sat on a sopping blanket in the middle of a soccer field I was able to just take it all in. One year ago I sat in the same field beside a graceful, and faith-filled follower of Jesus. At that point in my life, Jordan was a dream. Now Jordan is reality. Now I will get on a plane on January 26th and fly across the Atlantic with the same girl who watched fireworks with me that night.

As I watched the fireworks, I was able to hear the witty couple behind me delighting in their own play by play. I overheard the newlyweds whisper their favorites to each other. We sat piled on, our jeans getting wet through, and legs falling on top of my own.

I remembered how fireworks invite me to live bravely in the overflow. I remembered how Jesus is always inviting. 

I had to face this strange discomfort in the midst of all the beauty. I love driving up Lookout being so comfortable on that mountain road. It is so normal that even my car seems to know how to make it up and down effortlessly. I love swing dancing to a live jazz band. I love knowing people and being able to sit at brunch asking each of them questions as cup after cup of coffee is sipped down and refilled. I love St. Elmo porch life. There were so many moments that were rich with life- filled to the rim with joy and remembering. 

Homecoming,

What a strange discomfort you left in the unseen places.

Chattanooga tore open my heart- and all the places that I had sorted out and made goodbyes and home look nice and tidy where spilling everywhere. They were seen spots of deep hunger and deep longing. Spots that are intended to lead us to the incarnation, to the cross, to the promise of eternity spent with our savior, to the promise of the Finisher making everything right, and to realizing that one day I will know my Maker just as I am fully known. 

Communion. 

At the Lord's table is where Jesus invites us to remember him. Remembering often stirs up questions and unmet longing. It is a place where we are invited to stir up our hunger, to notice our thirst, and to trade in our unbelief for belief. Communion, the place where I am constantly invited to fall forward into Jesus, into all the unknown, and to hold firm to the promises. 

The promise that keeping my achey, homesick heart 

stirred up and moving 

is not in vain. 

The promise that there will be a great homecoming.

[and it will blow our socks off.]

Dear Lilac Ladies, 

You are treasure. I am so thankful for you all.

I am so thankful that I got to live life with you for a whole year.

And I am thankful for the beautiful, rare moments when I get to continue living life with you.

You are some of the greatest gifts the Lord has ever given me.

You are family now.

And family lasts forever.

I pray that we all walk alert to the truth that all are days are lived "With Jesus".

Learning from Lilias Trotter

Lilias Trotter has been brought to my attention on multiple occasions, but I have never really read her words or her story until this summer. A couple years ago the McAlvey's gave me a christmas gift, a book titled, Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God, written by Noel Piper. As I have been packing up my books, I find myself pulling out ones that I want to read before I leave them all behind. 

This was one of the books I pulled and stacked in a pile with 20 or so others. 

As I read through each of these women's' stories, 

God stirs my heart 

and invites me to live in more faith in His faithfulness towards me. 

Lilias Trotter served the Lord in Algeria for the majority of her life. She was 34 when she received her calling to North Africa and applied to North African Mission. They did not accept her because of her fragile health. She was determined though. She went independently with two other women. There they began to learn Arabic and persistently tried to gain inroads into the Arab culture. There is much to learn from her life, and there is also much to learn from her writings. 

When Lilias would go back to England, to rest, she would often have to stay longer than her companions because of her poor health. During these extended rest periods, Lilias would write about all that the Lord had been teaching her. 

Lilias Trotter had two passions- art and our Lord. She writes, "it is possible that one of the passions could become servant to the other." And isn't that true. Don't all of our passions become servant to our passion for Jesus Christ? When we take His yoke, which is easy and light, we say 'yes' to Him being our King, our Lord, our Master. We say 'no' to a whole slew of things in order that our 'yes' would be as true. In order that our 'yes' to the Lord would thunder- vibrating throughout the rest of our lives.

"Turn your soul's vision to Jesus, 

and look to Him, 

and a strange dimness will come over all that is apart from Him."

"And yet let us evermore write over all our miseries, big, and for the most part very little, 

these transforming words "With Jesus." 

And then the very breath of Heaven 

will breathe upon our whole being and 

we shall be glad."

-Ms. Lilias Trotter

The words, "with Jesus" have been stuck in my head since I read them. What a beautiful truth to remember. About six months ago, a friend was talking about her mom and she said that her mom walked in the truth that she was never alone. When I heard her say those words, I let me heart imagine a life that was totally free from the lie that I am alone. I dared to believe that it was possible that I would walk in the freedom of being with my Lord. May I continue to offer up my unbelief and may I continue to be made new. Let all my days, and all my moments, knowingly be imprinted with the words, "With Jesus." And may that bring countless amounts of joy and praise.

 I will for sure be doing more reading on Lilias Trotter. 

And may our lives look a little bit more like Jesus 

by hearing the stories'

of those who have gone before us. 

"though I did not know it then...

The young cannot see what lies ahead.

And perhaps that is their blessing and their sorrow."

waiting can be worship.

over and out.

Twenty-Three Things for my 23rd.

twenty-three things for twenty-three years lived. 
(one.) Jesus. I always simply need more of Jesus in my life.

(two.) Studying theology has the potential to encourage your walk with Christ and awaken your senses, your brain, and your spirit. Studying ABOUT God should always lead me into deeper WORSHIP of God. 
(three.) Night walks in St. Elmo offer lots of life, joy, and adventure.

(four.) Sometimes God asks you to faithfully plod, sometimes He asks you to finish well, and sometimes He even takes you on adventures. All of it is pretty grand with Him.
(five.) There is a sweet juice to drink from a thistle. This is one of God's many gifts to humanity. 
(six.) The lilacs are a great joy. They are women of integrity, laughter, and individuality. The love of Christ binds us together.
(seven.) Enjoy life. In all honesty, fun really does undo nonsense. 
(eight.) I like to drink wine with Beth and Pina Coladas with Elle girl. [not at the same time]

(nine.) Marriage is BIG, BEAUTIFUL, and the BEST. I am not married, but watching so many people I love get married has been one of the biggest privileges in my life. I will always fight for the marriages of those I love. 
(ten.) The church calendar is so intentional. In the midst of being aware of it, I have continued to learn that it is more important to simply go where Jesus is taking you. To always say yes to his invitation- whether it was an invitation to something joy-filled in the middle of lent or sanctification and lament in the midst of Easter-tide. It is all ok. It is all a gift.
(eleven.) Set up a hammock. Get a cup of ice coffee. And drink it. Just do it. 
(twelve.) Continue to press into life. Continue to press into the questions. Putting life on 'pause' while we wait for answers is not what we are called to. 
(thirteen.) Simply, be in it.
(fourteen.) This year I have seen a lot of ugliness in the Church. In the midst of the wrestling and struggling, I continue to ask God to give me his heart for his bride, to let me be lovesick for him, my bridegroom, and to let me care more about his love story than mine.
(fifteen.) It is ok to run a mile to Bi-Lo, buy a Diet Coke, and walk back home drinking it. 
(sixteen.) I am always really humbled by how hard transition is for me. always. Christ is made strong in my weakness. 
(seventeen.) Fireworks. I feel encouraged to be brave when I see fireworks.
(eighteen.) This summer, I had to ask God for courage to knock on every single door. It never got easier, but I never doubted that he would show up and allow there to be connection and friendship.

(nineteen.) I believe that relationships are miraculous. 
(twenty.) I like Parenthood, Melissa and Joey, and Flashpoint. 
(twenty-one.) I still get excited when I think about how Jesus saved me from a life of depression and gave me a life of hope and joy. I hope I never loose my since of wonder in who Christ is.
(twenty-two.) Being an aunt to four little men feels like the best thing in the whole wide world. (I still would love to have a little niece:)

(twenty-three.) I hope year 23 is the best yet and that I learn to trust his great timing. 

I am thankful for life.